Forgiveness.

23.10.17

"You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day" - ML Stedman, 
The Light Between Oceans

For 10 months I have been holding on to a lot of anger, resentment, confusion and bitterness about the way my last serious relationship ended. It made no sense to me that two people could be so in love and talk about having a family, getting married, adopting another dog, one day, then in a space of a few weeks have split up abruptly with no possibility of working things out. I was far from perfect in that relationship, battling a few demons and dealing with glandular fever which turned my life upside down and brought lots of tears and tantrums with it, but the way I was treated in those last few moments was not what I deserved. Being told I was no longer a decent prospect because I had a few health problems was difficult to digest, to say the very least. And evicting me from my home, not allowing me to go back for even one night to help me find my feet was a bitter blow.

I'm tired though. Tired of carrying these feelings round with me. Tired of dreaming about him (well, nightmares, obv) and waking up confused and asking myself all the usual questions: was he cheating on me? how long was he unhappy for? did I deserve it? will I ever get closure? does any part of him regret ending it? 

Photo credit - Stephanie Baxter - click here 

So today I write this down in black and white to forgive him, so that I can be at peace and move on from carrying these heavy feelings around with me. He fell out of love with me and acted like a coward and those are the only facts I need to know. I have learnt from my mistakes and I will find love again with someone who will stick with me through the bad times, not just the good ones.

For a long time all I wanted was for us to get back together and go back to how things were at the start, but now I can't think of anything worse. I'm grateful to have seen his true colours sooner rather than later, and it has taught me so much about the type of person I want to settle down with. Also since we split up I have met so many wonderful people and been on some adventures and travels that would never have happened otherwise, which I'm grateful for every day. 

I hope now I have documented these words on my little corner of the internet that I can feel a little lighter and leave the past behind once and for all.

11 comments:

  1. I'm just glad that you didn't marry him. For some women like myself it's not until they are married and have children that men like that show their true face, you will meet the right person xx

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    1. I'm absolutely grateful I didn't marry him because it could have easily happened before he showed his true colours. I'm sorry you've had a tough time, sending you love!xx

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    2. I love reading your blog and following your adventures on Instagram xx I know the right man is out there somewhere please don't settle for anything less than someone who thinks the world of you xxx

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  2. To forgive is a very brave thing to do, as was writing this post. Do you feel better for doing so? From what you have written here, it sounds like you deserved so much better than how he treated you! It can all only get better from here on out, keep on fighting through!

    Natasha | @ofthesaintsUK

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    1. I do feel better for writing this, yes. Sometimes writing things down and getting it out of our brains is the way forward! Thanks for stopping by xx

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  3. I wish you all the love and luck and happiness that a life can bring...you deserve it lovely Victoria!
    xxx
    Martina

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  4. I wish you love. Just take care of yourself 😉

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  5. All the Best to you Victoria. You deserve to be treated better then that & yes thank goodness you saw the bad side of him before possibly getting married.

    I was married to a man that emotionally abandoned me after I had children and again after treatment for breast cancer. It's so painful to be disgarded, he has moved on very quickly. I'm grateful he is out of my life. It's good to see you moving on, well done for writing this post. There is a much happier life to be lived than with a man like that.

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    1. This breaks my heart to read. You must be a very strong person <3 Thanks for sharing your story with me xxx

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